When the Motivator isn't Motivated

A few years ago I published my book "Growing Up Nobody". In the book I was quite open about the struggles I faced in my younger years. The fact my dad suffered from mental illness and facing the death of both of my parents by the age of 24.  Because of this I have also had the opportunity to give talks and do many podcast interviews. I use this time to let people know that at times you can feel like your at the end of your rope but you can make it. Yes life can be hard but there is light at the end of the tunnel. Just look at me!

But what if the motivator if depressed. Yes I have overcome a lot. Yes I am very blessed to have a great job that provides for my family and allows me to travel. Yes I have a beautiful wife who loves me greatly. I also have three wonderful children who, yes, drive me absolutely crazy but deep down wonderful people and make me proud. But that doesn't mean I cannot suffer from depression.

I find myself fighting Seasonal Depression most winters. This year has been one of the worst. So as you can imagine it becomes very hard to stand up and tell others that they can over come the opsticles in their life when you yourself are experiencing great sadness, lack of energy and feelings of hopelessness and loneliness. 

Over the years I have developed some things that help me get through. One is vacation planning. During the winter months I spend a lot of time looking for places to visit and plan our next vacation. This helps give me something to be excited about in the future. It gives me a feeling of today may be rough but look what is coming. It helps bring hope. Another is playing guitar. As I wrote about in a previous post, Daughters Daddies and Guitars I have recently been living out the dream of being able to play guitar. This also bring me joy to know that I have progressed far enough in a skill I have always wanted to learn to do it in front of people. 

I know that fighting depression isn't as easy as playing guitar. I spent a winter as what I call a functioning depressant. I went to work and then came home and slept until it was time to go to bed. It was a rough time. But I do believe that everyone has things they love and a lot of the time we do not get time to do them. Sometimes cost prevents us but more than not we just don't have the time or we feel selfish when we take time for ourselves. I know I do. But not taking care of yourself can take a toll on you not only emotionally but physically. Many professionals say that the lack of certain types of self-care is linked to all sorts of diseases and illnesses like diabetes and heart disease. Taking care of yourself is not selfish. It is just the opposite. Taking time for yourself can help reduce feelings like anxiety, exhaustion and stress. When these are reduced you will be able to be more of yourself for the people around you. By you taking care of yourself, you are giving to them. 

It can be hard. So many people rely on you. That's a good thing. It helps give you purpose but you need to say no sometimes and go do that thing you want to do, even if it's just a long hot bubble bath. 

I understand this is not a cure for depression. In fact there are many types of depression and many need treatment from a doctor. You may even be given medication. Which is okay. There is nothing wrong with that. It's just another way of taking care of yourself. So if you find yourself feeling...

deep feelings of sadness

dark moods

feelings of worthlessness or hopelessness

appetite changes

have sleep changes

lack of energy

inability to concentrate

difficulty getting through your normal activities

lack of interest in things you used to enjoy

or withdrawing from friends

You just may be suffering from depression. Talk to someone. Anyone. Especially if you have a preoccupation with death or thoughts of self-harm. You are worth it! 

This world can demand a lot from you. It's okay to say no sometimes. It's okay to take care of yourself. It's okay to admit you are suffering from depression and it is more than okay to get help. There are tons of us that fight the above feelings everyday. We stand next to you at the store or are in the car next to you. We struggle to. Even those of us that seem like was always have it all together and live wonderful lives. Sometimes even the guy who is trying motivate you! You are NOT alone.   

 Tim "Timo" Olson
www.timolson.info

Below are some common types. 

Major depression - People with major depression experience symptoms most of the day, every day. Like many mental health conditions, it has little to do with what’s happening around you. You can have a loving family, tons of friends, and a dream job. You can have the kind of life that others envy and still have depression.

Persistent depression - is depression that lasts for two years or more. It’s also called dysthymia or chronic depression. Persistent depression might not feel as intense as major depression, but it can still strain relationships and make daily tasks difficult.

Perinatal depression - occurs during pregnancy or within four weeks of childbirth. It’s often called postpartum depression. But that term only applies to depression after giving birth. Perinatal depression can occur while you’re pregnant.

Seasonal depression -  is depression that’s related to certain seasons. For most people, it tends to happen during the winter months.

Situational depression - clinically known as adjustment disorder with depressed mood, looks like major depression in many respects. It may be brought on by specific events or situations, such as the death of a loved one, a serious illness, divorce or child custody issues, being in emotionally or physically abusive relationships, being unemployed or facing serious financial difficulties. 

If you think someone is at immediate risk of self-harm or hurting another person:

•  Call 911 or your local emergency number.

•  Stay with the person until help arrives.

•  Remove any guns, knives, medications, or other things that may cause harm.

•  Listen, but don’t judge, argue, threaten, or yell.

If you or someone you know is considering suicide, get help from a crisis or suicide prevention hotline. Try the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255.

Three Burgers for a Dollar

Business come and go but sometimes they hold special memories and it makes it harder to see their demise. It maybe a coffee shop where you first met someone or the little restaurant with the special little table in the back corner you loved. For my wife and I it's the McDonald's on main avenue here is Fargo

One summer that particular McDonald's ran a summer long promotion of three hamburgers for a dollar. This came at a time when we didn't have money. My wife at the time was my girlfriend and we were both working full time and attending college. Needless to say money was scarce. There were so many meals consisting of Mac-n-cheese and hot dogs. Going out was a rare thing. Every once in a while a Little Caesars pizza might find its was back to our home. One night the carrier that held our Cokes broke and they fell, broke open and we stood there looking at Coke all very the driveway. We laugh now but cried that day. 

So when the main avenue McDonald's ran the three hamburgers for a dollar promotion is gave us the chance to go out. We would go get some burgers and share a Coke. (McDonald's has the best Coke) Sometimes we would live it up and buy a large fry to share. Those were good times.

So often we try so hard to make these special memories and sometimes they just happen. I believe the ones that just happen are better and for us the three burgers for a dollar is a special one. When we look back not only was it fun that we were able to go out but it reminds us of how we struggled back then and how far we have come. It helps make us thankful and that is a good thing. 

College

Let me just take some time to brag about my son Brad. My son just graduated from college. He now has a degree in accounting. Now comes all those terrible school loans. Or does it? Not for our son. I can hear everyone now. Must be nice to have mom & dad pay for your education. Sorry. Wrong. He must have had scholarships. Buzz. Wrong again.

Brad paid for his own education. He worked hard starting at 16. Saved and paid cash. Never making more than $12 hr. Not even working full time. He even saved and purchased his own car during that time. The only help from mom & dad was guidance, room & board, and $1,000 for books, which if you have ever purchased books for college you know that did not go very far. Yes, it is possible to get a education and not be into crazy debt or demand that people pay higher taxes just so you can get a education. I understand that not everyone has mom and dad around to give you a place to live. My wife and I both had to support ourselves and pay for college and somehow we did it. Maybe the problem isn't with the system, although it could defiantly use some fixing but maybe it's more about us and what we demand from ourselves. College does not have to be free in order to get a education and our son is proof.

Our son already has a job in his field with good pay and benefits. He is debt free. He is on his way to living a wonderfully good life without the struggles his mom & dad had. We had those school loans so we know the struggle. We are very proud and happy and glad to know that he didn't listen to all the misinformation about how you cannot do it on your own. That the system is against you. The reality is that strong successful people find a way even if there are road blocks. Just like a football player pushing through the line. But today, everyone just wants the road blocks to be removed. Brad pushed through and now all his friends are facing large debt and he is enjoying all the extra money he is making on himself. Good job Brad!

Happy New Year

Even though the difference between December 31st and January 1st is no different than Tuesday turning into Wednesday so many of us see it as a chance to reset.

I must admit I'm not one for making no New Year's resolutions but this year I definitely hope there is a reset. I spend a lot of my time being positive and trying to spread joy. I use my podcast interviews and social media to encourage and lift people up.

But this last year is definitely one where I could use the encouragement and the lifting. I don't need to bore you with all the details has there's quite a bit going on. Let's just say that I am feel like I'm running around with my head cut off taking care of emergencies, trying to put out fires, and trying to keep things together for the last year.

I'm sure this is a feeling many of you share. So as Tuesday turns to Wednesday let's hope the reset button gets pushed and we can see a change and find some peace and have a Happy New Year.

Love and ☮️
Timo

Best Mom

     I know what your thinking. You know who the best mom in the world is. I''m sure most of you would say your mom. Well, your wrong. I'm married to her. I know because of the sacrifices she makes everyday just to be a mom.

     Everyday, before everyone else gets up she is up. She opens the blinds and curtains and lets in the sun. She has everyone's schedule in her head and is ready to make sure everyone is up and getting ready so that they can get to where they need to be. She gets everyone in order before she even gets ready herself. Her day revolves around the schedule of our children.

     Everyday she goes to work. Her office is in our home but not once has she ever taking advantage of the opportunity to work in her pajamas. She's dressed for success even when no one will see her.  She manages our business. Taking calls all day handling customers demands and of course doing more scheduling. In between she finds more time to do accounting and all other aspects of running a business. 

     Everyday she has a routine for cleaning the house. I don't know what it is except for that laundry is on Thursday. She keeps our home looking beautiful. It's mostly thankless. The kids leave for school and work and come home and everything is clean. I think they believe a fairy came and dusted while they were gone. You would think they might question why the fairy skips their room.

     Most days she cooks us supper. By now she is getting a little worn out, after all she has been going strong all day. We stuff our faces and she cleans up.

     Evening rolls around and there might be time for a 11 mile bike ride or maybe there is some errands to run. There is also planning tomorrows meal and maybe a business meeting between us to get ready for the next day. She also spends time for things the kids need. Something for school, a ear to listen and a laugh or two.

     Somewhere in the middle of all that she also finds time for me. A snuggle on the couch and conversations about our day.  I don't know how she does it. She doesn't nap and she will repeat it again tomorrow. My wife Lori, is truly the best mom out there. She sacrifices herself everyday for us and once a year we sing her some praises. That's not enough. I always loved the story "The Giving Tree". That tree gave and gave and when it thought it had nothing else to give... it still gave more. Lori gives everyday. When her head hits the pillow she feels like she has nothing else to give. But tomorrow she will get up, before everyone else, open the blinds and curtains and give some more.

Daughters, Daddys and Guitars

When I was a teenager I really really really wanted to learn to play guitar. I saved up my paper route money and bought a Harmony H-802 sunburst reissue. It came with a small plastic amp that ran on batteries. I knew nothing about playing guitar. I had played the tuba in the school band. (Insert your own jokes here) I also had a few months of piano lessons but I wanted to shred on the guitar. I bought a black and white checkerboard guitar strap, a beginner guitar book and was ready to jam. Only it never happened. I learned a few cords and would pick it up from time to time and say "This time I'm going to get with it and really learn to play" I eventually bought my second guitar. A black stratocaster copy made in Korea. I learned a bit more, bought a few distortion pedals and could rock out with my power cords to a few songs but never felt like a guitar player. 

Over the years I bought a few other guitars. My wife even bought me a Gregg Bennett Samich acoustic guitar so I could practice more often without having to drag out the amp, cords and pedals. But I never really hit a level of guitar playing I felt confident in. 

One day I can home to find a note on my daughters marker board addressed to me. She wrote Dad, will teach me to play guitar. I was excited to jump at the chance. Neither of her older brothers had any interest in playing a instrument or even much love for music as I did. I let her use my red Fender Squier Bullet and I used my black strat to show her a few cords. I let her keep the bullet in her room and I would hear her strumming away. What a advantage she had. This little thing called YouTube helped her learn a lot. Soon I was hearing recognizable songs coming from her room. 

On a trip to Minneapolis we came across a First Act acoustic guitar for $25 in a thrift store. We picked it up, had it restrung and set up the best we could. She used that guitar to learn to play. She sat in her room, disciplined, working, playing. She was getting good.

Our church was offering a get together for those who were interested in learning the guitar. We thought this would be a great way to spend time together and learn some things. We would attend the class and strum along. Mostly playing cords we already knew but it was fun just hanging out playing guitar. 

Soon she bought her own electric guitar and for Christmas I gave her a gig bag and a pink and black checker board guitar strap. I wanted her to look as cool as I thought I did back when I was her age. 

Recently we were invited to start sitting in with the worship team at our church and I started seeing just how good my daughter has become. In some areas she is better than I am. Now after trying to play guitar for over 30 years and to have a 16 year old show you a cord you do not know can really hit your ego. But that's ok. I taught her her first cords why shouldn't she help show me some. 

The real high point in this came when we were invited to actually play with the worship team during a service. For me it was surreal. A musician I admire for his skill and abilities believed I was good enough to stand in front of people and play. After 30 years I finally felt like I achieved the goal I set out to reach so long ago. I so often spend my time telling others that you can achieve your goals and that they don't always happen on your time frame and here is some proof. 

Thirty plus years ago I started learning to play guitar. Thirty plus years ago God set in motion a skill that I can now use to worship Him. He also set in motion something that my daughter and I can connect over. When other parents are having a hard time with their teenager I'm playing music with mine. 

That first time I stood up there playing in worship was a confirmation in my abilities and my daughters. Her's was confirmed at age 16. Mine, 50. But the fact that we both were up there together, sharing that moment is a memory that we will both have forever and if I never played again, it would have all been worth it.     

www.timolson.info
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www.Twitter.com/Timo2Funky

Do Not Do Outrage

     In the last few days I found myself reading a post where someone was outraged. I know I'm shocked! Another scam, another lie, however you want to look at it. It is really just another way to be outraged. Since I am a fact driven person I always believe if I just point out the actual facts using data and explain where it comes from the person posting would have to acknowledge that their statement wasn't completely true. I thought long and hard before posting because I am not interested in a fight. A debate would be okay, after all...facts, but I do not want to engage in any argument. My facts were brushed off so I followed with more. That was followed by a change of argument. I posted back that that was not relevant to the original complaint and that once again the facts stand. There was no reply so I let the conversation end there.

     At lunch I received a notification that someone else posted on the conversation so I checked it out and guess what...all my comments have been deleted! Yes, my facts, provable mathematical facts had been deleted. I cannot venture to guess why my posts were removed as that would be judging. (Real judging is assigning a motive to a action without knowing what that motive is) But what did remain was more outrage. The comments that followed showed even more outrage as all the like thinking people enjoyed taking their usual positions. 

     I'm not telling you this so I can brag about my awesome factual points, although it was awesome. What caught my attention was that this person would rather be mad and outraged than even take into account the information I was providing. In fact in looking back, outrage is all I see. Social media posts have turned into nothing but angry posts about the latest outrage. What happened with the Covington School kids is a great example. I woke up and looked at my Facebook only to see everyone so outraged about these kids. (The things people called these kids was unbelievable) I looked at a few videos and within 10 minutes I knew there was more to the story and decided I needed to wait for more information before forming an opinion about it. 

     In 1979 "The Logical Song" was picked as Paul McCartney's favorite song and I think that a lot of it still rings true to this day. "When I was young, it seemed that life was so wonderful" sang Roger Hodgson. "But then they send me away to teach me how to be sensible, Logical, oh responsible, practical" He went on to sing about how they made him dependable. All very good things. But then it takes a turn. "I said, watch what you say or they'll be calling you a radical, Liberal, oh fanatical, criminal." Then worse yet, "Won't you sign up your name, we'd like to feel your acceptable, respectable, oh presentable, a vegetable!" 

     I think we have fallen into the later part of the song only we are the one's who want to make sure that your acceptable, respectable and presentable. We feel we need to right every wrong by posting about how WE believe this is a travesty. The sad part is we have not formed our own opinions. We have become Pavlov's dog jumping on every outrageous injustice. We somehow believe our yelling helps. But it only adds. It helps light fires you don't always see. Instead of being a positive light we throw fuel on the flames and if you don't agree, well then. your just not acceptable.

     We signed our name to a team that makes us feel acceptable but we really are bunch of vegetables. We follow the orders and react without thought of our actions. You can't keep that up. You cannot react and scream about everything we see that is wrong. It would be a full time job and for so many it has turned into one. So many of the people I know on Facebook post more news articles and political memes than they do about their friends or family. Boy I wish I would see a huge burger post again! 

        "The Logical Song" also has the lyrics, "But at night, when all the worlds asleep, The questions run so deep, For such a simple man. Won't you please tell me what I've learned, I know it sounds absurd, PLEASE TELL ME WHO I AM" I think we have lost who we are. So many of us have become Grandpa Simpson yelling and complaining about everything and we don't even see it. We don't even realize what we have become. We believe yelling wins an argument over debate. We believe only our answer is the answer. We scream about compassion while screaming shows none. We step on others while claiming to love all. All because we love the rush, the acceptance, and the superiority of the outrage. 

     Join me, and lets stop the outrage. Leave your team. Discover yourself. Get to know YOU! Break the chains and be a leader. So many are living in the dark, be a shinning light. Teach what you know and learn what you don't. Hold each other up. Listen more than you talk. Do these simple things and maybe just maybe you will notice "the birds in the tree's well they'd be singing so happily, oh, joyfully watching" you.   

www.timolson.info
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