Best Mom

     I know what your thinking. You know who the best mom in the world is. I''m sure most of you would say your mom. Well, your wrong. I'm married to her. I know because of the sacrifices she makes everyday just to be a mom.

     Everyday, before everyone else gets up she is up. She opens the blinds and curtains and lets in the sun. She has everyone's schedule in her head and is ready to make sure everyone is up and getting ready so that they can get to where they need to be. She gets everyone in order before she even gets ready herself. Her day revolves around the schedule of our children.

     Everyday she goes to work. Her office is in our home but not once has she ever taking advantage of the opportunity to work in her pajamas. She's dressed for success even when no one will see her.  She manages our business. Taking calls all day handling customers demands and of course doing more scheduling. In between she finds more time to do accounting and all other aspects of running a business. 

     Everyday she has a routine for cleaning the house. I don't know what it is except for that laundry is on Thursday. She keeps our home looking beautiful. It's mostly thankless. The kids leave for school and work and come home and everything is clean. I think they believe a fairy came and dusted while they were gone. You would think they might question why the fairy skips their room.

     Most days she cooks us supper. By now she is getting a little worn out, after all she has been going strong all day. We stuff our faces and she cleans up.

     Evening rolls around and there might be time for a 11 mile bike ride or maybe there is some errands to run. There is also planning tomorrows meal and maybe a business meeting between us to get ready for the next day. She also spends time for things the kids need. Something for school, a ear to listen and a laugh or two.

     Somewhere in the middle of all that she also finds time for me. A snuggle on the couch and conversations about our day.  I don't know how she does it. She doesn't nap and she will repeat it again tomorrow. My wife Lori, is truly the best mom out there. She sacrifices herself everyday for us and once a year we sing her some praises. That's not enough. I always loved the story "The Giving Tree". That tree gave and gave and when it thought it had nothing else to give... it still gave more. Lori gives everyday. When her head hits the pillow she feels like she has nothing else to give. But tomorrow she will get up, before everyone else, open the blinds and curtains and give some more.

Gillette Is Not the Problem

     News feeds across social media are filling up with the current outrage. In case you haven't heard Gillette made a commercial where they changed their tag line from "The Best A Man Can Get" to the "Best A Man Can Be". In the ad you see men looking in a mirror while in the background you hear television news reports about the #metoo movement. Then what follows is a series of shots showing men disrespecting women. In one scene two boys wrestle while the dad's exclaim "boys will be boys".  Then Gillette proclaims that they believe in the best of men. The ad then shows men standing up against other men after Terry Crews proclaims that men need to hold other men accountable. The final line is "Because the boys watching today, will be the men of tomorrow".

     So why all the outrage? It seems to me that the commercial is telling the truth. Real men need to stand up in situations that call for it. Real men need to teach our children how to be respectful and how to treat each other.  But in the commercial Gillette says men need to "say the right thing, to act the right way, and SOME already are". See the outrage comes from the word SOME. That word should be MOST. Most men already treat women with respect. Most men model good behavior for their children and most men do stand up when they see the situations portrayed in the commercial.

     The real outrage is coming from the fact that men are tired of being the punching bag. We all know how men are portrayed on television, incapable of doing the most meaningless tasks. Men have been told for the last few decades that they are not needed. We are not needed to be present in the home to raise good children. We are told women do not need us to be happy. We read articles about our privilege and how we run "rape camps". That we are unhappy that we no longer have unfettered access to women's bodies. I once posted a joke about my wife escaping by cutting her chain off the stove and I was taken to task for my toxic masculinity. It was a joke!

     Out of fear that I will just be written off as mansplaining I hope I can shed some light onto this situation. Yes men are outraged. MOST men are good men. MOST men are as disgusted by the behaviors of the Harvey Weinstein's of this world. MOST men do the right thing most days. The men I know worship their wives and children. They work jobs they hate to provide for them and do it all without much complaint. So I ask Gillette, where is our commercial? Where is our article? Why are we only focused on the negative minority of men and not on the bigger demographic of well behaving, hard working, family loving men?

     If our younger generation is watching then we need to hold up what it is we want them to be. This isn't something only men need to do, this is something as a society we need to do. We need to stress how important the role of a man is in the home. We need to stress the effect that a man has on his boys and his daughters. We need to feature REAL men and showcase what a REAL man looks like in a positive way.

     Society can do a better job of lifting up men but just like most things it starts at home. There are too many broken homes. The breakdown of the family unit is the single largest reason we are facing these issues today. But we don't want to talk about that for a variety of reasons. We would rather just blame men. Studies show that just by having the father in the house children will be less likely to use drugs, alcohol, engage in risky behavior, have better school attendance and do financially better in life. Not to mention intangible stuff like knowledge, habits, and willpower are increased. Stable, healthy families are at the heart of strong societies. No wonder we all think our society has gone crazy.

     So yes, men are upset but it's not about some razor companies commercial. We are tired of hearing about how we are nothing but a bunch of disgusting pigs who need to change ourselves because we are nothing but evil and that until we change we are nothing but worthless to society. But I'm one man who can tell you, MOST of us are not disgusting pigs. We are dedicated to our wives who we love very much, we love our children and would die for them. The fact that men work most of the high risk jobs to provide for their families proves that fact. We give and sacrifice of ourselves for our families, and the good ones, which is MOST of us are hurt by the fact that we are looked upon with such disgust and hate when we know what is in our hearts. So I ask, if "the boys watching today, will be the men of tomorrow", where is our commercial?

Tim Olson
www.timolson.info
www.facebook.com/Timo2Funky
www.twitter.com/Timo2Funky

It's Too Late.

    Yesterday marked my mothers 70th birthday, Only it didn't. She hasn't had a birthday in 29 years. No it isn't some type of trick she pulls to keep her age a secret and remain young forever. She passed away in 1989. In a way she is going to be forever young since none of us will ever see her as a old woman. She will always be 41.

My mom and I about 7 months before she died. The last time I
not only saw her but spoke to her.

     The morning of March 19th was as ordinary as any other until my phone rang. It's really strange how something as normal as the phone ringing can change your entire life. Your phone rings hundreds of times conditioning your mind. Never thinking that your world will be shaken to the core. I would have never guessed in a million years what I was about to be told on that call but as soon as I heard my step dad's voice I knew something wasn't right.

     My mom had moved to California and I hadn't seen her or talked to her since I visited the August before. She was busy with her new life and I with mine. She was now remarried and trying hard to make ends meet. Working two jobs to support her new (and lazy) husband and my sister. I was working and had my own relationship that kept my time full. The one thing that we both had in common was that we both took for granted that we would always be there.

     It's too late. It had now become to late for me to pick up the phone and call my mom. Something I thought I should do week after week since our visit. The longer time from the visit the more I thought about it. Sometimes at work I would think when I get home I should give her a call. Then at home the thought would enter my mind. But for some reason my hand never grabbed the phone and pushed those numbers. Now, it was too late.

     Over the years I have accumulated tons of questions. I remember as kids that we flew to Indiana to visit her mom. Did we only ever do that once or was there another time I can't remember? What foods did I like as a kid? My son Alex looks so much like me, are our personalities the same?

     We also think of things we should have said. My relationship with both my parents was very strained to say the least so there was a lot of things that shouldn't have been said but were. The things that should be said will not be and the things that were can not be unsaid. It's too late.

     Sometimes we find ourselves burnt by the hot stove of life. Sometimes scars are left for a lifetime and the only thing that helps heals those scars is the fact that you can prevent others from receiving them. So we stand near the stove and stop everyone from placing their hands upon the red hot burner. It gives meaning to your scars.

     I'm here to prevent you from having those scars. DO NOT let it be to late. DO NOT forget those important questions. DO NOT forget to say your sorry. DO NOT forget to say those all to important words. I LOVE YOU. Tomorrow is not promised so do not let the sun set another day without saying what needs to be said or you will find out that It's too late.
   

LOVE? - Is giving bad?

     I keep hearing that love MUST win.  If this is the case, I believe we need to start acting like it. I have decided to start a series of blog posts asking LOVE? because I have trouble seeing LOVE in the actions of some.

     President Donald Trump just gave $1,000,000 of HIS money to the victims of Hurricane Harvey. Soon after I see tweets and stories about how "little" he gave. Right away I looked up to see how much Obama gave so I could argue back. But then I realized I was falling for the trap. I'm not here to defend Trump although that's how this is going to read. (who I support and vote for does not matter in this story) I am here to stand for LOVE. Where is the LOVE? I did not know there was a test as to how much you have to give for your gift to be appreciated. If there is I wonder if I pass. Where do I send in the documents and who runs the numbers and decides how much is enough? You see there isn't. It's not up to you or me to decided what is right for others to do. These posts and complaints come from people who are so blinded by HATE that they cannot see the LOVE. 

     If I was running a table with a can for donations and someone donated one dollar, I would be thankful that they opened their heart to help. If someone gave ten dollars I would be thankful. As each person walked by and dropped their donation into the can I would say thank you. Now walks by Mr Big Money and I know he is worth a lot. I just saw him pull up in a BMW. He drops a large donation into the can. biggest one I've seen today. I now have a choice. I can look at him and tell him he's a jerk because I know he could give more or I could thank him and think about all the good that amount of money is going to do. 

     See, the problem with this situation isn't Mr. Big Money. It's with me! The individual. I could JUDGE him but I didn't do that to the other people who walked past. For all I know someone who didn't donate may even have more money than him, I don't know. Someone may have giving a larger percentage if their income. I don't know.  But my personal feeling for the man stomped on my heart and will not allow me to see the good that man just did. 

     One definition of love is the concern for the good of another. So, do you LOVE the victims of Hurricane Harvey or do you hate Trump more? I for one will stand up and cheer for ANYONE who does ANYTHING to help the people who need help. I will not criticize the effort no matter how big or small and I most certainly will not criticize their efforts over something as foolish as political points of view. In times like this it's not suppose to be us against them. It's 330 million individuals who need to stand together and forget about differences and parties for a while and contribute to our society instead of filling it full of vile words and HATE. 

     I for one LOVE those who have been hurt by Hurricane Harvey and I even LOVE those who are so full of HATE that they cannot let it go for even one minute. It's my LOVE for you that makes me write this today in hopes that maybe, just maybe you won't try to justify your anger but to take that energy and make it into something productive and useful. You don't need to praise Mr. Big Money, but you do need to practice tolerance and not HATE and let LOVE be the action you take today.

Growing Up Nobody

     "Growing Up Nobody" is the title I chose for my first book.  The book was at times an easy thing to write because it's all about my life.  I didn't need to create any characters or story lines they were all there for me.  But at the same time it was very hard to write.  It took me back to places I would rather forget.  As I wrote about the intense fighting between my dad and myself I could feel the pain from the mistreatment I would receive.  It wouldn't take long before I would feel just as I did on those nights when he would push open the door to my room and start yelling at me for being me.  I could hear the voices of the kids in school who called me names all for their own enjoyment.  I could feel the anger building up inside of me again.

     For many years I felt so much anger and anyone in the world was a part of the problem.  I felt all alone and that nobody had my back.  Even those who were closest to my situation never placed their hand out when I was knocked down.  Like a fighter in a ring who refuses to give up I would get back up to my feet.  Sometimes fast and sometimes slow, but it was done under my own power.  Even when my legs were shaking and I didn't think I had the power I got back up.  I stood up.  I looked the world in the eye and refused to accept defeat.

     You do not have to accept defeat either.  You can face the world and get up again and again.  God does not give us more than we can handle.  In our minds we do not believe we can keep on.  I know I felt that many times myself.  More than once in my life I considered ending it.  But here I stand on the other side and I can tell you, I made it!  I have blessing I would have never imagined.  I have a wife that loves me, three wonderful children, a successful business, friends and a great church community.  The trials you face can seem like a mountain.  They can seem like a long dark tunnel with no light at the other end.  But there is.  God has promised us this.  “Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.” (James 1:12) We all have that promise.  You get that promise.

     When I went through my trials I did not know God loved me.  In fact I wondered why he would let me hurt to much.  I'm sure you have asked the same question at times.  I do not know why except for I needed those trials to become the man I am today.  I guess God knew that I would make it.  That I would be better for it and that I would be able to tell me story to help encourage others.  I do just that in my book.  I opened up some wounds for all to see in hopes that someone will see a little something of themselves and begin to see that light at the end of the tunnel.  Hope is real.  God is real.  His promise is real.
 

Love and Grace

Friday.

The work week is done. I'm glad.

As usual I'm bothered by all the hate and division between us. All that negativity sucks the life out of this glass half full guy. It does not matter what your position is on a subject, encouraging and celebrating others misfortune or destruction is disgusting. When we see someone who is given lemons try to make lemonade we no longer applaud them when they do. We hope they add salt instead of sugar just so we can... I don't know feel better about ourselves. I know, I've been guilty of it too. I do not know what it will take but I hope we can return to a time where we start treating each other with love. Love does not mean you accept and agree with everything someone says or does. What it does mean is that you show them grace no matter what faults they may have because, yes, we all are imperfect and need a love full of grace. I hope we can all find that grace in our hearts and lift each other up instead of cheering for destruction.

Sometimes being a Dad sucks

     So often you get on the internet and you find blogs about the joys of parenthood.  You read about all the joys of having kids and yes it's all true.  My kids give me more joy than I could have ever imagined.  Laying down my life for them in not even a question.  They have made me laugh harder than any comedian or movie ever has.  But at the same time they have brought tears to my eyes.  Yes at times they have done things that hurt me or disappointed me. Worse than that is when they hurt because life is hard and you cannot shield them from the pain.

     Four years ago my wife Lori and I brought home the cutest puppy.  Our kids had been asking for a dog for a while and we would look at them from time to time.  It was a very hard decision for us as we don't have a lot of family to help us care for him.  We knew we were giving up weekend getaways that we regularly enjoyed.  We would have to make visits to friends and family short so we could get home to let him out.  But on that day we saw our little brown ball of fur and we knew we needed to bring him home.  We told all the kids to sit on the couch as we had a surprise.  He stayed quite and we placed him on the living room floor.  We told them to open their eyes and the look on their faces were priceless.  He ran over to them and tried to jump on the couch but it was too high.  We told them to pick him up and my oldest picked him up and started to cry.  Love at first sight is possible.  He tried to hide the tears and he did a good job but I saw them on the video replay.  He was so small, brown with one white paw.  I called him Buster brown on the way home and the name stuck.

    Over the years Buster became such a huge part of our lives.  He was our shared love and joy.  He made us laugh when a lonely fart would sneak out and scare him.  We loved watching him as he would try to bury his rawhide bones in the couch.  He would entertain us when I would give him a empty 20 oz pop bottle that I would tightened the cap on making the bottle have no give.  He would try to pick it up only to have it shoot out of his mouth and across the floor.  He would chase it and do it again.  But most of all he loved us.  He would greet all of us at the door.  He would lick each and every one of us as we came into the house.  He always wanted to be close to us and his favorite was his "mama".  He loved my wife and spent most of his time curled up next to her.

     My oldest son referred to him as his best friend.  So when Buster started to act a little strange we became concerned.  He acted like it hurt to pee.  We called the vet and they couldn't see him until the next day.  A bladder infection was what we thought as he started peeing in the house but soon he wasn't going at all.  We would take him out and he would try but nothing would happen.  About four in the morning he started crying and barking.  We tried to comfort him.  By seven Lori took him to the vet and he was making the worst sounds.  Moaning like a person.  We never would have thought that within eight hours he wouldn't be with us any longer.

     At about 2 pm Lori called me at work and I came home fast.  The x-rays were in and the news wasn't good.  We had to act fast because he had a bladder stone in his urinary tract that was blocking his urine and if we didn't do something soon it would explode.  The vet had never seen such a big stone for such a small dog.  It was the size for a lab, not a 20 pound dog.  He could not give any guarantee that anything we did would help.

     We sat the kids down and explained to them what was going on.  We could do all the things the vet said and try to save him or we could let him go.  Trying meant thousands of dollars with the slimmest chance it would work.  It was the hardest conversation we have ever had.  I just couldn't look at my kids, their eyes were so full of tears.  Wetting their shirts as they rolled off their faces.  Nobody would answer us.  So Lori and I told them that we think its best to let him go but that if any of them want to try to save him we will.  Finally my oldest spoke up and said three words I will never forget him saying.  "Put him down"  It had to be the hardest thing he ever did.  In saying that he knew his best friend was no longer going to be with us.

     Lori and I looked at each other and she asked me to call the vet as tears filled her eyes.  I said OK.  We walked downstairs to my office and I told her that I didn't think I could say the words.  I knew that by calling I will be giving the orders to have our dog put down and to never return.  I knew that making that call would put into motion hurt for all of us.  I did not want to do it.  There are times you have to man up and take it for everyone else.  I told Lori that I will pay what ever it takes if  the result of what I was about to do meant that someone would hate me.  She said I love you and I know you would.  I walked back and forth crossing the floor gathering my thoughts and holding back the tears. I picked up the phone and dialed the number.

     When I hung up the phone I broke into tears and told her we needed to go say goodbye.  We called the kids downstairs and we gathered for prayer.  I lead us in a prayer asking for Busters suffering to be over.  For us and our hurt.  Our broken hearts.  I hugged everyone and we gathered ourselves and drove in silence to the vet.

     We arrived and they brought Buster out.  They had him in pain medication but the way he walked you could tell he was still in some pain.  They took us to a back room and left us to say good bye. Lori and the kids took time petting him.  He walked around confused and never licked any of us.  I stood watching my family have it's heart broken unable to do anything.  Their tears triggered mine. They all kept petting him and telling him how much they loved him.

     I finally got down on the floor to say good bye.  I pet him for a second and then I put my head down on him and all the hurt that I was holding back opened up and I cried like I never have in front of everyone.  I was a slobbering baby.  My furry buddy was about to die and my wife and kid's hearts were being split in two.  My protection mode was going but there was not a thing I could do.  There was no way for me to prevent the events of the day.  My mind raced, I bargained, I pleaded, and I could do nothing.

     Yes my children are wonderful.  They are the most special and important thing in my life.  I do understand that someday the wound will have healed.  I also understand that if used right this situation will make us stronger as individuals and as a family.  But my protective side hurts for now,  Having to make that call, having to tell my kids such hurtful news, and not being able to protect from the situation makes me realize that sometimes it sucks being a Dad.

What I want for Christmas

Recently while watching an early morning news program, you know the type, full of news cooking and fashion segments. They were discussing Facebook adding a dislike button. Now I would be the first to click that button when I read a post that said something like "Our son threw up his entire spaghetti dinner on the living room carpet." I don't think anyone would argue that that was the situation we all would dislike. Any of us parents understand the time it takes to clean up such a mess. But what has me worried about a dislike button is the divide that we already have and how the dislike button would be used. We have become a country that is divided. We have found ourselves picking sides and looking for winners and losers. Of course we all want to be the winner.

Since we are young we are taught to pick teams. When we pick teams there are two sides. One will be the winner and one will be the loser. We all want to be on the winning team. In the spirit of the game we trash talk the other team. That type of behavior is all good and fine when done in a fun and respectful way.  But because we choose sides instead of focusing on each other as individuals we have become so divided as that we have become exactly what we tell our kids not to be.  Bullies!  We feel the need to win at no matter the cost. When there is a winner there is a loser. We have become extra brave when we hide behind our keyboard. We say things that we would never say to somebody's face. We feel the need to point out to the world how "horrible" someone is when they don't believe the same things we do.  We no longer believe in "I disagree with you but I will defend your right to say it" we now believe if you don't think the way I do you should sit down and shut up. Not only should you shut up you deserve to be called names, made fun of and hated. In fact we will join together with like minded people to scorn you just like bullies do. If you are in the public we believe you deserve the attacks about you and your family even more. In fact maybe you should lose your job. Maybe you should have your entire life destroyed.  In fact we cheer on the demise of others and feel a sense of victory when they go down in flames. We want to see the other "side" fail. We call for their destruction and we celebrate it with glee.

For Christmas I want us to return to a place of decency. A place of respect for our fellow women and men. A place where we remove the plank in our own eye first. A place where we judge actions and quit assigning motives to the heart. A man steals a red kettle. He is a thief. His actions tell us so. Our first reaction would be to call him scum. A heartless man for taking money from those who are in need. We have judged his heart. That very man may have taken it to feed his family. How do you feel about him then? Judge the action not the heart for that is the true meaning of do not judge others.

Love is a verb. Love is a action. Love is not what you feel but rather love is what you give. To truly show love you must be patient to those whom you disagree with. To those who offend you kindness maybe in order. Love is not approving of everything someone does but love does not keep a record of wrongs. Love is the answer to what we are all asking. Love conquers all. Love is what I want for Christmas. What do you want?

As for me I will continue to spread love. I will take action. I will judge a man by his actions and not judge his heart. I will wish my enemies well and pray for them. I will love those who do not love me. Merry Christmas. May you be the recipient of love this year.