FREE ADVICE

During the last election I had someone confront me about my support for a certain candidate. This exchange happened where all good debates happen, on social media. Now I have never announced who I was going to vote for in public. Never had, never will. I have also never announced my support for a certain political party. They just made a assumption.

Yes my political opinion may lean one way and I'm sure most can tell which way it leans. But unlike so many I do not support a certain party. Never have, never will. They are both corrupt and I would not allow my name to be associated with either one. This has allowed me to look at all sides and to make decisions separate from what one party may support. 

Besides, I think it is unwise to get behind one party. Your thinking becomes monolithic and your thoughts are never challenged. You become locked into a prison of ideas. Never to explore other thoughts no matter how educated or open minded you may think you are. You are stuck supporting every idea like a sports fan supporting his favorite team. No matter how bad they play or even cheat you will support, cheer on and buy your team's merchandise. I also think the idolization of political figures like Trump and Ruth Bader Ginsburg is gross at best. They are our employees not superstars.   

Since I do not identify with a team I have not allowed any team to help form my personality. You will not find a blue wave on my profile or a MAGA hat on my head. No bumper sticker or profile frame  I don't define who I am because of some party and their beliefs and I most definitely do not allow people who belong to an opposing viewpoint to define who I am and what I am not because of their beliefs. I am like David S. Pumpkins, I am my own thing. 

When you become a fan of one party or "team" you are willing to support whomever they put in front of you. It is also why people were so quickly to jump to the conclusion that since I lean one way that I must support the candidate that leads that party. I can see why most would come to that conclusion. Because that is what they do. I do not. I will not sign my name to someone I do not believe in. I've even voted third party! Wild I know.  

Another reason why I do not share publicly who I support is I do not believe random advise about who or what to support is extremely helpful. In fact its probably more harmful. Nobody should vote a certain way just because a friend or relative tells them they should. I know there are families who will print out the names of all the proper politicians and pass them around. No, I want people to choose who they vote for by forming a educated opinion. Not to just get the win and defeat the other "side".  Plus choosing sides also means you are creating a divide. If you have chosen a side YOU are contributing to the division. You have set up a winner and looser situation. I want us all to win. 

Now this is where the problem comes in because I guess I'm weird for not just yelling "GO TEAM". I may just be a clown in the eyes of most but I'm smart enough to know that there are reasons why someone else might see the world differently than I do. Life experience, social status, economic status and many more reasons can come into play as to why someone may vote differently. (Although I believe usually it's the blindness of belonging to a team) Because of this I also don't see someone who may vote differently as evil like so many do. Remember when we used to love diversity of thought? I do and I am always willing to discuss what I know and also learn what others know. But sadly no one seems to want to be apart of that. No real discussion of ideas. Hear mine not yours. Just go for the win. "GO TEAM"

So if I won't dish out political advice I most certainly will not give out medical advice. I believe doing so is not only dangerous but very irresponsible unless of course you are a medical professional. Even if you are I don't think you should be randomly advising people on social media. But again so many people are willing to do just that. "Stop being selfish, get the jab!" I wonder how many people who yell about getting the vaccine would have claimed a year ago that your medical decisions should be up to the individual and their doctor. I wonder how many have moved so far they are okay with the mandates that prevent everyday citizens from participating in society. But today it is so common place to belittle someone about not getting "the shot" that I cannot read the comments on my favorite travel website without seeing someone being attacked over the vaccine. A place I used to go for light hearted conversations about destinations. 

A great example of the dangers is when people jumped on the anti Hydroxychloroquine bandwagon because of their political beliefs. Not science. Well, they claim it's science but they get their science from political figures and not from the CDC website or researchers at the Henry Ford Health System who found the drug to be somewhat effective. So now the keyboard experts on social media keep handing out medical advice. I will bet that most cannot name a country where Hydroxychloroquine was available over the counter. I'll bet they didn't know it was a over the counter drug in many countries! They just saw their favorite politicians blocking it's use. Political figures stopped doctors from using a trusted readily available drug because of politics. A drug that although may not have been a cure seemed to help at least some patients. But hey, "SCIENCE." 

Now we have people upset at the fact the there are those who are hesitant on getting the vaccine. I wonder why. Our politicians and media are the ones to blame. Both parties have claimed they would not trust a vaccine developed under the control of the other party. This includes the current president and vice president. (who are now trying to get people to take the very same vaccine) Go watch video clips from last year and see all the concern about a rushed vaccine. In researching for this blog post I watched the hosts of KTLA in Los Angeles talk about their concerns over a vaccine. (June 2020) We have the CDC lie to us from the beginning about mask use. Why, because they felt they needed to in order to get us to do what was needed. They didn't trust us. Now you have the CDC changing the definition of vaccine.  What the?! Then add the fact that according Pew Research only 20% of the population trusts the government to "do the right thing". No wonder people are afraid to get "the jab". They misinform us, lie to us, and if you even suggest you want to wait and do research, well. just ask Niciki Minaj.

Speaking of being hesitant against the vaccine, it is very high in the African american community. The fact is less African Americans have received the vaccine than whites, Asians and Hispanics. (as of Oct 2021) Why? Look up the Tuskegee experiments. We have also been telling them the whole system is racist for years and it was amplified 10 fold in the months leading up to the release of the vaccine. Now we ask them to trust the injection we want to put in them? I laugh when people make fun at others for being hesitant.   

 

But we have all chosen a side and do not question anything. We just start yelling what "our side" is telling us to yell without thought. Well, most of you do. I sit back and laugh at how ridiculous you all look because you jump on every bandwagon. I know who is going to share the trending hashtag and pretend that they have been a champion for that cause all along and within the week never share about it again. 

So how about this. Slow down. Learn some facts. Wait for more information to come out. Early reports are usually wrong. Wait until the trial. Don't join the witch hunt. Listen to the "other" side. Watch an alternative news source. Research before you post. Learn the subject well enough to educate others and learn how to defend your position without name calling. But most of all if nothing else, it is NOT your job to tell others how to live their life. Not even during a pandemic. Stop fighting with strangers and check in with the family on the couch next to you. Reach out to people you actually know. Support them and love them. As mother Teresa said, “The way you help heal the world is that you start with your own family.” But more than that, nobody asked for your opinion anyway. 

When the Motivator isn't Motivated

A few years ago I published my book "Growing Up Nobody". In the book I was quite open about the struggles I faced in my younger years. The fact my dad suffered from mental illness and facing the death of both of my parents by the age of 24.  Because of this I have also had the opportunity to give talks and do many podcast interviews. I use this time to let people know that at times you can feel like your at the end of your rope but you can make it. Yes life can be hard but there is light at the end of the tunnel. Just look at me!

But what if the motivator if depressed. Yes I have overcome a lot. Yes I am very blessed to have a great job that provides for my family and allows me to travel. Yes I have a beautiful wife who loves me greatly. I also have three wonderful children who, yes, drive me absolutely crazy but deep down wonderful people and make me proud. But that doesn't mean I cannot suffer from depression.

I find myself fighting Seasonal Depression most winters. This year has been one of the worst. So as you can imagine it becomes very hard to stand up and tell others that they can over come the opsticles in their life when you yourself are experiencing great sadness, lack of energy and feelings of hopelessness and loneliness. 

Over the years I have developed some things that help me get through. One is vacation planning. During the winter months I spend a lot of time looking for places to visit and plan our next vacation. This helps give me something to be excited about in the future. It gives me a feeling of today may be rough but look what is coming. It helps bring hope. Another is playing guitar. As I wrote about in a previous post, Daughters Daddies and Guitars I have recently been living out the dream of being able to play guitar. This also bring me joy to know that I have progressed far enough in a skill I have always wanted to learn to do it in front of people. 

I know that fighting depression isn't as easy as playing guitar. I spent a winter as what I call a functioning depressant. I went to work and then came home and slept until it was time to go to bed. It was a rough time. But I do believe that everyone has things they love and a lot of the time we do not get time to do them. Sometimes cost prevents us but more than not we just don't have the time or we feel selfish when we take time for ourselves. I know I do. But not taking care of yourself can take a toll on you not only emotionally but physically. Many professionals say that the lack of certain types of self-care is linked to all sorts of diseases and illnesses like diabetes and heart disease. Taking care of yourself is not selfish. It is just the opposite. Taking time for yourself can help reduce feelings like anxiety, exhaustion and stress. When these are reduced you will be able to be more of yourself for the people around you. By you taking care of yourself, you are giving to them. 

It can be hard. So many people rely on you. That's a good thing. It helps give you purpose but you need to say no sometimes and go do that thing you want to do, even if it's just a long hot bubble bath. 

I understand this is not a cure for depression. In fact there are many types of depression and many need treatment from a doctor. You may even be given medication. Which is okay. There is nothing wrong with that. It's just another way of taking care of yourself. So if you find yourself feeling...

deep feelings of sadness

dark moods

feelings of worthlessness or hopelessness

appetite changes

have sleep changes

lack of energy

inability to concentrate

difficulty getting through your normal activities

lack of interest in things you used to enjoy

or withdrawing from friends

You just may be suffering from depression. Talk to someone. Anyone. Especially if you have a preoccupation with death or thoughts of self-harm. You are worth it! 

This world can demand a lot from you. It's okay to say no sometimes. It's okay to take care of yourself. It's okay to admit you are suffering from depression and it is more than okay to get help. There are tons of us that fight the above feelings everyday. We stand next to you at the store or are in the car next to you. We struggle to. Even those of us that seem like was always have it all together and live wonderful lives. Sometimes even the guy who is trying motivate you! You are NOT alone.   

 Tim "Timo" Olson
www.timolson.info

Below are some common types. 

Major depression - People with major depression experience symptoms most of the day, every day. Like many mental health conditions, it has little to do with what’s happening around you. You can have a loving family, tons of friends, and a dream job. You can have the kind of life that others envy and still have depression.

Persistent depression - is depression that lasts for two years or more. It’s also called dysthymia or chronic depression. Persistent depression might not feel as intense as major depression, but it can still strain relationships and make daily tasks difficult.

Perinatal depression - occurs during pregnancy or within four weeks of childbirth. It’s often called postpartum depression. But that term only applies to depression after giving birth. Perinatal depression can occur while you’re pregnant.

Seasonal depression -  is depression that’s related to certain seasons. For most people, it tends to happen during the winter months.

Situational depression - clinically known as adjustment disorder with depressed mood, looks like major depression in many respects. It may be brought on by specific events or situations, such as the death of a loved one, a serious illness, divorce or child custody issues, being in emotionally or physically abusive relationships, being unemployed or facing serious financial difficulties. 

If you think someone is at immediate risk of self-harm or hurting another person:

•  Call 911 or your local emergency number.

•  Stay with the person until help arrives.

•  Remove any guns, knives, medications, or other things that may cause harm.

•  Listen, but don’t judge, argue, threaten, or yell.

If you or someone you know is considering suicide, get help from a crisis or suicide prevention hotline. Try the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255.

Trump's Effect

     Over the past few days social media is again ablaze with outrage. This time it's over how some teen boys reacted to...well you know. This post is not related to this one incident.

     I really don't even know where to start with this as I cannot even understand where we are as a country. In fact I just wrote a bunch of stuff and then backed up and started here again. I think the thing I struggle the most is with judgement. Although I have had many non Christians try to tell me that the Bible says not to judge that just simply is not true. By the way, instead of just repeating what others have said, try to study the Bible before you use it to argue against someone. You wouldn't argue with a architect without understanding something about architecture would you? Good. Hopefully I just saved you from looking like a fool. The Bible does tell us to judge but here is what so many get wrong about judgement. Judging someone's actions are fine and good. Judging someone's heart is wrong. In other words, someone steals bread. Wrong. Someone steals bread to feed his family? His actions are still wrong even if his heart was in the right place, and the worst judgement is when you assign the motive to their actions without knowing what it was. 

     Today everyone seems to know the heart of everyone else. Sometimes actions may look like one thing but where their heart is, is another. I find it mind blowing that everyone seems to know, without question, the heart of others. Because they are so sure they then feel justified in calling out, shaming and even destroying said person. In fact we have become so effective at discerning someone's heart that we need not be present. We need not know those involved. We need not know anyone who was present. We need not do any research. We just need to be told by our like thinking friends, news source, websites, and social media what to be outraged about and then we pick up our pitch forks and post!

     The worst part about Trump's being elected is how we have reacted to his presidency. I have watched people I used to think were great, fine, smart individuals turn into the most hateful, angry, mean spirited people. Before you say, "Hey Timo! Are you judging?" Yes, I'm judging actions. I have watched these people take down others, some longtime friends. I have listened to and read posts that are so full of hatred for others for simply having another point of view. Everyday full of outrage and bitterness. I myself have been the focal point of these attacks. I was even attacked for suggesting we take a break from politics. How dare me! 

     I have watched and I cry for my children as I think is this what we really want to leave them? Is this what we want to model for them? I for one do not. So I do not engage in this childlike behavior. I sit back and take notes. Trump will be out of office someday and his role in my life and yours will be gone. I will forget about Trump, but I will not forget the actions of those I know. I will not forget how I witnessed you treat others. How you judged the heart of others. The names you used. How you behaved. I know you feel justified. I know you feel as your fighting the good fight, but there is no nobility in taking someone down to elevate another. I will be judging, your character, and the true effect of Trump's presidency is that it will take me a lot longer to get over and forget your actions than those of the president.

Tim Olson

www.timolson.info

www.facebook.com/Timo2Funky

www.twitter.com/Timo2Funky

Gillette Is Not the Problem

     News feeds across social media are filling up with the current outrage. In case you haven't heard Gillette made a commercial where they changed their tag line from "The Best A Man Can Get" to the "Best A Man Can Be". In the ad you see men looking in a mirror while in the background you hear television news reports about the #metoo movement. Then what follows is a series of shots showing men disrespecting women. In one scene two boys wrestle while the dad's exclaim "boys will be boys".  Then Gillette proclaims that they believe in the best of men. The ad then shows men standing up against other men after Terry Crews proclaims that men need to hold other men accountable. The final line is "Because the boys watching today, will be the men of tomorrow".

     So why all the outrage? It seems to me that the commercial is telling the truth. Real men need to stand up in situations that call for it. Real men need to teach our children how to be respectful and how to treat each other.  But in the commercial Gillette says men need to "say the right thing, to act the right way, and SOME already are". See the outrage comes from the word SOME. That word should be MOST. Most men already treat women with respect. Most men model good behavior for their children and most men do stand up when they see the situations portrayed in the commercial.

     The real outrage is coming from the fact that men are tired of being the punching bag. We all know how men are portrayed on television, incapable of doing the most meaningless tasks. Men have been told for the last few decades that they are not needed. We are not needed to be present in the home to raise good children. We are told women do not need us to be happy. We read articles about our privilege and how we run "rape camps". That we are unhappy that we no longer have unfettered access to women's bodies. I once posted a joke about my wife escaping by cutting her chain off the stove and I was taken to task for my toxic masculinity. It was a joke!

     Out of fear that I will just be written off as mansplaining I hope I can shed some light onto this situation. Yes men are outraged. MOST men are good men. MOST men are as disgusted by the behaviors of the Harvey Weinstein's of this world. MOST men do the right thing most days. The men I know worship their wives and children. They work jobs they hate to provide for them and do it all without much complaint. So I ask Gillette, where is our commercial? Where is our article? Why are we only focused on the negative minority of men and not on the bigger demographic of well behaving, hard working, family loving men?

     If our younger generation is watching then we need to hold up what it is we want them to be. This isn't something only men need to do, this is something as a society we need to do. We need to stress how important the role of a man is in the home. We need to stress the effect that a man has on his boys and his daughters. We need to feature REAL men and showcase what a REAL man looks like in a positive way.

     Society can do a better job of lifting up men but just like most things it starts at home. There are too many broken homes. The breakdown of the family unit is the single largest reason we are facing these issues today. But we don't want to talk about that for a variety of reasons. We would rather just blame men. Studies show that just by having the father in the house children will be less likely to use drugs, alcohol, engage in risky behavior, have better school attendance and do financially better in life. Not to mention intangible stuff like knowledge, habits, and willpower are increased. Stable, healthy families are at the heart of strong societies. No wonder we all think our society has gone crazy.

     So yes, men are upset but it's not about some razor companies commercial. We are tired of hearing about how we are nothing but a bunch of disgusting pigs who need to change ourselves because we are nothing but evil and that until we change we are nothing but worthless to society. But I'm one man who can tell you, MOST of us are not disgusting pigs. We are dedicated to our wives who we love very much, we love our children and would die for them. The fact that men work most of the high risk jobs to provide for their families proves that fact. We give and sacrifice of ourselves for our families, and the good ones, which is MOST of us are hurt by the fact that we are looked upon with such disgust and hate when we know what is in our hearts. So I ask, if "the boys watching today, will be the men of tomorrow", where is our commercial?

Tim Olson
www.timolson.info
www.facebook.com/Timo2Funky
www.twitter.com/Timo2Funky

LOVE? - Is giving bad?

     I keep hearing that love MUST win.  If this is the case, I believe we need to start acting like it. I have decided to start a series of blog posts asking LOVE? because I have trouble seeing LOVE in the actions of some.

     President Donald Trump just gave $1,000,000 of HIS money to the victims of Hurricane Harvey. Soon after I see tweets and stories about how "little" he gave. Right away I looked up to see how much Obama gave so I could argue back. But then I realized I was falling for the trap. I'm not here to defend Trump although that's how this is going to read. (who I support and vote for does not matter in this story) I am here to stand for LOVE. Where is the LOVE? I did not know there was a test as to how much you have to give for your gift to be appreciated. If there is I wonder if I pass. Where do I send in the documents and who runs the numbers and decides how much is enough? You see there isn't. It's not up to you or me to decided what is right for others to do. These posts and complaints come from people who are so blinded by HATE that they cannot see the LOVE. 

     If I was running a table with a can for donations and someone donated one dollar, I would be thankful that they opened their heart to help. If someone gave ten dollars I would be thankful. As each person walked by and dropped their donation into the can I would say thank you. Now walks by Mr Big Money and I know he is worth a lot. I just saw him pull up in a BMW. He drops a large donation into the can. biggest one I've seen today. I now have a choice. I can look at him and tell him he's a jerk because I know he could give more or I could thank him and think about all the good that amount of money is going to do. 

     See, the problem with this situation isn't Mr. Big Money. It's with me! The individual. I could JUDGE him but I didn't do that to the other people who walked past. For all I know someone who didn't donate may even have more money than him, I don't know. Someone may have giving a larger percentage if their income. I don't know.  But my personal feeling for the man stomped on my heart and will not allow me to see the good that man just did. 

     One definition of love is the concern for the good of another. So, do you LOVE the victims of Hurricane Harvey or do you hate Trump more? I for one will stand up and cheer for ANYONE who does ANYTHING to help the people who need help. I will not criticize the effort no matter how big or small and I most certainly will not criticize their efforts over something as foolish as political points of view. In times like this it's not suppose to be us against them. It's 330 million individuals who need to stand together and forget about differences and parties for a while and contribute to our society instead of filling it full of vile words and HATE. 

     I for one LOVE those who have been hurt by Hurricane Harvey and I even LOVE those who are so full of HATE that they cannot let it go for even one minute. It's my LOVE for you that makes me write this today in hopes that maybe, just maybe you won't try to justify your anger but to take that energy and make it into something productive and useful. You don't need to praise Mr. Big Money, but you do need to practice tolerance and not HATE and let LOVE be the action you take today.