Sunday, January 21, 2018

It's Too Late.

    Yesterday marked my mothers 70th birthday, Only it didn't. She hasn't had a birthday in 29 years. No it isn't some type of trick she pulls to keep her age a secret and remain young forever. She passed away in 1989. In a way she is going to be forever young since none of us will ever see her as a old woman. She will always be 41.

My mom and I about 7 months before she died. The last time I
not only saw her but spoke to her.
     The morning of March 19th was as ordinary as any other until my phone rang. It's really strange how something as normal as the phone ringing can change your entire life. Your phone rings hundreds of times conditioning your mind. Never thinking that your world will be shaken to the core. I would have never guessed in a million years what I was about to be told on that call but as soon as I heard my step dad's voice I knew something wasn't right.

     My mom had moved to California and I hadn't seen her or talked to her since I visited the August before. She was busy with her new life and I with mine. She was now remarried and trying hard to make ends meet. Working two jobs to support her new (and lazy) husband and my sister. I was working and had my own relationship that kept my time full. The one thing that we both had in common was that we both took for granted that we would always be there.

     It's too late. It had now become to late for me to pick up the phone and call my mom. Something I thought I should do week after week since our visit. The longer time from the visit the more I thought about it. Sometimes at work I would think when I get home I should give her a call. Then at home the thought would enter my mind. But for some reason my hand never grabbed the phone and pushed those numbers. Now, it was too late.

     Over the years I have accumulated tons of questions. I remember as kids that we flew to Indiana to visit her mom. Did we only ever do that once or was there another time I can't remember? What foods did I like as a kid? My son Alex looks so much like me, are our personalities the same?

     We also think of things we should have said. My relationship with both my parents was very strained to say the least so there was a lot of things that shouldn't have been said but were. The things that should be said will not be and the things that were can not be unsaid. It's too late.

     Sometimes we find ourselves burnt by the hot stove of life. Sometimes scars are left for a lifetime and the only thing that helps heals those scars is the fact that you can prevent others from receiving them. So we stand near the stove and stop everyone from placing their hands upon the red hot burner. It gives meaning to your scars.

     I'm here to prevent you from having those scars. DO NOT let it be to late. DO NOT forget those important questions. DO NOT forget to say your sorry. DO NOT forget to say those all to important words. I LOVE YOU. Tomorrow is not promised so do not let the sun set another day without saying what needs to be said or you will find out that It's too late.