‘Thoughts and Prayers’

 Again another tragedy. While most of us shake our heads and cry for those affected we find ourselves at a loss. So we give a version of  “I am so sorry for your loss,”. "You are in our thoughts and prayers". To some this is nothing more than a "I'm sorry for your loss" to others who believe in a higher power it is a powerful tool. Either way it is said out of something called empathy. Although most of us cannot even begin to understand what exactly people of a tragedy are feeling we are able to imagine their suffering and fear and to wonder how we would react in their place. It is called being compassionate.

The mocking of course starts right away. "Your thoughts and prayers are not enough!" This mocking only displays that persons lack of understanding. When people say "Thoughts and Prayers" they are reaching beyond themselves to offer some relief. Often, at the time it is the most someone can do. Especially if the tragedy is not happening in front of someone but is rather being reported from a far off location. 

When we are confronted with suffering, everybody uses familiar phrases and behaviors. They help us get through the hardest of times. When your friend tells you about their divorce. Your co-worker received bad medical news. A death or a national tragedy. It's not the words that you use that are extremely important, it is your acknowledgement and empathy that are. It is a way of showing solidarity with those who suffer.

For those who think action should be taken instead of words of compassion are denying those who cannot do anything, especially in the wake of a tragedy of expressing their compassion and empathy. Maybe those who want to deny others from expressing themselves should try practicing some compassion, empathy and grace themselves. We need more of it.  

 

Growing Up Nobody

     "Growing Up Nobody" is the title I chose for my first book.  The book was at times an easy thing to write because it's all about my life.  I didn't need to create any characters or story lines they were all there for me.  But at the same time it was very hard to write.  It took me back to places I would rather forget.  As I wrote about the intense fighting between my dad and myself I could feel the pain from the mistreatment I would receive.  It wouldn't take long before I would feel just as I did on those nights when he would push open the door to my room and start yelling at me for being me.  I could hear the voices of the kids in school who called me names all for their own enjoyment.  I could feel the anger building up inside of me again.

     For many years I felt so much anger and anyone in the world was a part of the problem.  I felt all alone and that nobody had my back.  Even those who were closest to my situation never placed their hand out when I was knocked down.  Like a fighter in a ring who refuses to give up I would get back up to my feet.  Sometimes fast and sometimes slow, but it was done under my own power.  Even when my legs were shaking and I didn't think I had the power I got back up.  I stood up.  I looked the world in the eye and refused to accept defeat.

     You do not have to accept defeat either.  You can face the world and get up again and again.  God does not give us more than we can handle.  In our minds we do not believe we can keep on.  I know I felt that many times myself.  More than once in my life I considered ending it.  But here I stand on the other side and I can tell you, I made it!  I have blessing I would have never imagined.  I have a wife that loves me, three wonderful children, a successful business, friends and a great church community.  The trials you face can seem like a mountain.  They can seem like a long dark tunnel with no light at the other end.  But there is.  God has promised us this.  “Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.” (James 1:12) We all have that promise.  You get that promise.

     When I went through my trials I did not know God loved me.  In fact I wondered why he would let me hurt to much.  I'm sure you have asked the same question at times.  I do not know why except for I needed those trials to become the man I am today.  I guess God knew that I would make it.  That I would be better for it and that I would be able to tell me story to help encourage others.  I do just that in my book.  I opened up some wounds for all to see in hopes that someone will see a little something of themselves and begin to see that light at the end of the tunnel.  Hope is real.  God is real.  His promise is real.
 

Love and Grace

Friday.

The work week is done. I'm glad.

As usual I'm bothered by all the hate and division between us. All that negativity sucks the life out of this glass half full guy. It does not matter what your position is on a subject, encouraging and celebrating others misfortune or destruction is disgusting. When we see someone who is given lemons try to make lemonade we no longer applaud them when they do. We hope they add salt instead of sugar just so we can... I don't know feel better about ourselves. I know, I've been guilty of it too. I do not know what it will take but I hope we can return to a time where we start treating each other with love. Love does not mean you accept and agree with everything someone says or does. What it does mean is that you show them grace no matter what faults they may have because, yes, we all are imperfect and need a love full of grace. I hope we can all find that grace in our hearts and lift each other up instead of cheering for destruction.

What I want for Christmas

Recently while watching an early morning news program, you know the type, full of news cooking and fashion segments. They were discussing Facebook adding a dislike button. Now I would be the first to click that button when I read a post that said something like "Our son threw up his entire spaghetti dinner on the living room carpet." I don't think anyone would argue that that was the situation we all would dislike. Any of us parents understand the time it takes to clean up such a mess. But what has me worried about a dislike button is the divide that we already have and how the dislike button would be used. We have become a country that is divided. We have found ourselves picking sides and looking for winners and losers. Of course we all want to be the winner.

Since we are young we are taught to pick teams. When we pick teams there are two sides. One will be the winner and one will be the loser. We all want to be on the winning team. In the spirit of the game we trash talk the other team. That type of behavior is all good and fine when done in a fun and respectful way.  But because we choose sides instead of focusing on each other as individuals we have become so divided as that we have become exactly what we tell our kids not to be.  Bullies!  We feel the need to win at no matter the cost. When there is a winner there is a loser. We have become extra brave when we hide behind our keyboard. We say things that we would never say to somebody's face. We feel the need to point out to the world how "horrible" someone is when they don't believe the same things we do.  We no longer believe in "I disagree with you but I will defend your right to say it" we now believe if you don't think the way I do you should sit down and shut up. Not only should you shut up you deserve to be called names, made fun of and hated. In fact we will join together with like minded people to scorn you just like bullies do. If you are in the public we believe you deserve the attacks about you and your family even more. In fact maybe you should lose your job. Maybe you should have your entire life destroyed.  In fact we cheer on the demise of others and feel a sense of victory when they go down in flames. We want to see the other "side" fail. We call for their destruction and we celebrate it with glee.

For Christmas I want us to return to a place of decency. A place of respect for our fellow women and men. A place where we remove the plank in our own eye first. A place where we judge actions and quit assigning motives to the heart. A man steals a red kettle. He is a thief. His actions tell us so. Our first reaction would be to call him scum. A heartless man for taking money from those who are in need. We have judged his heart. That very man may have taken it to feed his family. How do you feel about him then? Judge the action not the heart for that is the true meaning of do not judge others.

Love is a verb. Love is a action. Love is not what you feel but rather love is what you give. To truly show love you must be patient to those whom you disagree with. To those who offend you kindness maybe in order. Love is not approving of everything someone does but love does not keep a record of wrongs. Love is the answer to what we are all asking. Love conquers all. Love is what I want for Christmas. What do you want?

As for me I will continue to spread love. I will take action. I will judge a man by his actions and not judge his heart. I will wish my enemies well and pray for them. I will love those who do not love me. Merry Christmas. May you be the recipient of love this year.