Prince, Music & a Fan

To those who don't really know me you may not know that I am a Prince fan. Those who do know it, probably know it more than they care to. I have been a fan since 1982. I had heard 1999 and Little Red Corvette. (I thought the song was about the car back then). I had the 45's and liked them and the b-sides. Then came Delirious. I heard that single on the radio and my fate was sealed, I became a Prince fan. I knew nothing about the man or even if Prince was his name or the name of the group, I just knew this music was talking to me. I would record my records on to a cassette so I could play them in my Sounddesign boombox. I wore out the 60 minute tape I made with Michael Jackson on one side and Prince on the other. The Prince side received more play and contained the six songs from the three Prince singles I owned. 1999, Little Red Corvette, and Delirious. Plus the b-sides How Come You Don't Call Me Anymore, All The Critics Love You In New York, and Horny Toad.  I didn't know what it was that I was attracted to at the time but something about those songs moved me more than any other songs I had ever heard, and I had heard a lot of songs. My dad had worked in radio and we had a music collection of  about 10,000 records in the house.

Enter the 1999 album. The forth single was released and I loved it too. The b-side was funky. It had great drums and bass that grooved me from the inside. I thought I need to get this album, I like four of the songs on it I bet I will like more.  I remember riding my bike to K-mart where I found the album that cost a bit more than the usual album. It was a double record set! I could not wait to get home and put it on the turntable. The needle hit the record and that slowed down voice came through my headphones. I sat back, read the lyrics along with the songs and checked out the albums art work. 1999 taught me about music. I soon realized songs could be longer than the standard radio play.  1999, Delirious, Let's Pretend Were Married, were exciting as I heard what the radio would never play.  Everything about that album was so cool. The hidden backwards letters on the front cover and gone was the standard record label but in it's place was a close up of Prince's eye and a hole dead center were you would place it on the turntable. But most of all it included the now famous "Produced, Arranged, Composed and Performed by Prince". This was one guy and he not only wrote all of this he is playing every instrument! Everything you hear is one guy? This blew my mind.

Enter 1984. I remember driving in the car when they announced a new song by Prince was coming up. When Doves Cry played and I didn't know what to think. It was different. In fact I thought kind of weird sounding. It was like nothing else on the radio and nothing like the 1999 album. They said it was off the soundtrack to Prince's upcoming movie. Soon after the album was released and I sat down, put my headphones on and heard that opening line..."Dearly Beloved..." This album was so different. It rocked. It was missing the funky bass (except on Baby I'm a Star) and gone was the chicken scratching guitars. They were replaced with power cords and roaring solos. Gone was some of the studio tricks and it was replaced with a live band sound. Same guy but a whole different flavor.  I was used to artists keeping with their sound. The cars sounded like the cars every time I heard them.  Being a fan of this guy was going to be fun.

Enter the back catalog.  I then started purchasing all of Prince's older albums. I worked my way backwards and I loved them all. Each album having their own flavor.  I was inspired by the fact he performed all these songs himself.  His guitar playing on Purple Rain, his bass on Let's Work, and his drum programming skills.  Not to mention keyboards and piano. Oh, did I mention he can sing too?

Enter Purple Rain. When I finally saw the movie I was already very familiar with the soundtrack but the story that tied those songs together in the film hit home.  My parents were fighting and I had a very strained relationship with my dad.  I felt like it reflected what I was going through only I didn't play guitar. In the movie Prince's home life was affecting his career and my home life was affecting my school work and me personally.  The song Purple Rain made me nearly cry every time I heard it just because of the opening line. I too never meant to bring anyone sorrow but somehow I seemed to do just that.

Nude Tour Rehearsal May  6, 1990

Over the next years Prince released more and more interesting albums and a couple of movies. I was able to see him live in Minneapolis for a dress rehearsal concert for the Nude Tour. Tickets were ten dollars. I loved buying each new album on the day of release. While my friends waited years in between the releases of their favorite artist I was busy buying his next album, single for the b-side, long play record or something from an associated artist that Prince produced or wrote for. In the days before YouTube I had to set up the VCR to record MTV or Friday night videos to catch the latest video. There was always something going on.

Prince taught me about breaking the rules. Prince found other ways to get music to his fans. Crystal Ball was ordered through the internet. The first thing I ordered online. He made more money going around the traditional record company route.

I was lucky to have had several "Prince" experiences. He opened a club in Minneapolis called Glam Slam. I remember looking at his motorcycle and Purple Rain outfit while music pulsed. Up above was a VIP area and I kept thinking he was going to appear and the DJ would play some new unreleased song. I shopped at his New Power Generation store in Uptown. We were taken to a room upstairs and were shown the unreleased video for Dolphin.  They also brought out Prince's model C guitar. Did I ever want to grab that and run out of the store with it. Prince opened his studio a few times and I was able to tour it. When no one was looking I touched the famous Purple Rain motorcycle sometimes feeling like a 13 year old girl at a Justin Bieber concert. The thing that got me the most was when we were standing in a studio they pointed out his famous Linn drum machine and said that the soundboard was from his house.  I reached out and touched it and was in awe as these were the tools that made the 1999 album and that made me a fan. On one tour a sound engineer asked if anyone knew how to play the drums. I can somewhat but did not want to embarrass myself in front of these professionals so I stayed quiet. All they wanted was for someone to go into the studio and play for a bit so the rest of the tour could hear what it sounded like.  Talk about a missed opportunity. I turned down playing Prince's drums in his studio.

Paisley Park 1990

Over the years I was able to see Prince live three more times. I have seen The Time live. I watched Prince's dad drive past me in his purple BMW. I have had a couple of email exchanges with St. Paul Peterson of The Time & The Family and one with Dr. Matt Fink of the Revolution. So to say his passing affected me is an understatement. It's a weird thing because we never met and our "relationship" was one sided. He had no idea who I was but he was a big part of my life.  He was my soundtrack.

What I am going to miss is getting the new CD on the day it releases. I. Going to miss the live performances. I wish my kids would have seen him live so they knew what real musicians looked like instead of the prerecorded lip sync that goes on today.

Prince has still taught me after his death. His charitable work has come to light a lot in the past month. Although I do not believe I would agree with him politically most of the time I love the fact that he did what he could to help others and didn't spend him time telling us how we were wrong for not thinking like him. I wish more celebrities would follow that example. In fact more of us should put that energy to work in the fashion Prince did maybe just maybe the world will be a better place.

Prince's famous purple house 1990

Prince, you will be missed here but heaven just got a lot funkier.

Tragedy in Fargo

     On my podcast The Timo Show I interview guests from all over the world.  On of the first things I usually ask them is "Have you been to Fargo North Dakota?"  I ask this question for two reasons.  One it is an easy way to ease them into the interview.  An ice breaker of sorts.  But I also ask it because it is where I am from.  I was born and raised here and I love it here.  Sometimes I dream about going somewhere else especially when  the temperatures are below zero which happens quite often.

     The thing about Fargo is that we are a close community.  We are as close as a city our size can be.  When tragedy strikes we come together to help one another like no other place I can think of.  Last Wednesday Feb 10th our city experienced a tragedy.  For the first time since 1882 a police office was shot and killed by a deranged man.  Officer Jason Moszer, a six-year police veteran with a wife and two children, died from a single gunshot wound.  The news shocked our community and pulled at our hearts when we thought about his widow and his children.  Office Moszer was indeed a hero.  Not just because he put on the uniform but because he lived it.  In 2012  Moszer and officer Matthew Sliders were awarded the department’s Silver Star Medal for pulling two children from an apartment fire. Office Moszer is just one of the many men and women who run to danger when most of us would run from it.  Office Moszer's life was taken because he chose to be one of our protectors.

     The effects of this day will linger on.  For some of us it will only last as long as the stories keep appearing in the papers.  For some it will last longer.  There are those who will feel the effect of this day in everything they do for the rest of their lives.  The wife and children of the officer, The wife and children of the gunman, The officers, the extended family, the friends and co workers, the list goes on and on.  It can even have an effect on the generation that follows. 

     We live in a time that people actually cheer for and hope for the death of the men and women in blue.  There were 5 officers killed in the line of duty on Feb 10th.  Four in shootings.  I feel I need not say more.  

     Yes, the city of Fargo has had many emotions flow though it since Office Moszer was killed.  We come together, we all say a prayer, and we all shed a tear.  I joke with my guests that they may not want to visit Fargo when the temps are below the freezing point.  I say you will not be able to handle the cold.  But I also wonder if they could handle the amount of compassion and love this community shows because I believe that Fargo is truly one of the last great places left.  

Thank you Officer Moszer, and thank you Moszer family for their is no greater love than to give your life for another and Officer Moszer did just that. 

Police Lives Matter

     This morning here in Fargo we had an incident where a man sat in his car in a church parking lot.  That in it's self is not a problem but he was threatening to kill himself. Before to long the police, sheriffs department, fire and ambulance were all on the scene.  For two hours the police talked with the man trying to talk him down.  Trying to save his life.  The man how ever could not be saved and he finally pulled the trigger of the rifle that he had in the vehicle with him.

     In the last year we have seen the police criticized and all of their actions criticized.  The fact is that over 99% of all arrests are made with no incident.  The police must act with the knowledge of a lawyer, act as a paramedic, be diplomatic, handle the intoxicated, the stubborn, settle disputes and uphold the integrity of the uniform while doing it. They are our protectors and run towards trouble while we run away.

     I do not know the details of the suicide today but I think that it is safe to assume that several officers witnessed this man take his own life today.  The effects of that act would haunt most anyone yet this is the type of thing our officers see all the time.  They see the terrible things we are capable of and yet are expected to be perfect.  My heart goes out to those officers who witnessed that today.  I hope they don't suffer with the guilt that may run around in their mind asking questions about if they said the right thing or not.

     Our officers need our prayers not our hatred.  Are there bad cops.  Sure.  There are bad doctors, mayors and teachers.  But most cops are good and we need to quit blaming all police officers for the actions of a very few.  God bless our protectors and God bless their families who loan us their loved ones to keep us safe.        

Growing Up Nobody

     "Growing Up Nobody" is the title I chose for my first book.  The book was at times an easy thing to write because it's all about my life.  I didn't need to create any characters or story lines they were all there for me.  But at the same time it was very hard to write.  It took me back to places I would rather forget.  As I wrote about the intense fighting between my dad and myself I could feel the pain from the mistreatment I would receive.  It wouldn't take long before I would feel just as I did on those nights when he would push open the door to my room and start yelling at me for being me.  I could hear the voices of the kids in school who called me names all for their own enjoyment.  I could feel the anger building up inside of me again.

     For many years I felt so much anger and anyone in the world was a part of the problem.  I felt all alone and that nobody had my back.  Even those who were closest to my situation never placed their hand out when I was knocked down.  Like a fighter in a ring who refuses to give up I would get back up to my feet.  Sometimes fast and sometimes slow, but it was done under my own power.  Even when my legs were shaking and I didn't think I had the power I got back up.  I stood up.  I looked the world in the eye and refused to accept defeat.

     You do not have to accept defeat either.  You can face the world and get up again and again.  God does not give us more than we can handle.  In our minds we do not believe we can keep on.  I know I felt that many times myself.  More than once in my life I considered ending it.  But here I stand on the other side and I can tell you, I made it!  I have blessing I would have never imagined.  I have a wife that loves me, three wonderful children, a successful business, friends and a great church community.  The trials you face can seem like a mountain.  They can seem like a long dark tunnel with no light at the other end.  But there is.  God has promised us this.  “Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.” (James 1:12) We all have that promise.  You get that promise.

     When I went through my trials I did not know God loved me.  In fact I wondered why he would let me hurt to much.  I'm sure you have asked the same question at times.  I do not know why except for I needed those trials to become the man I am today.  I guess God knew that I would make it.  That I would be better for it and that I would be able to tell me story to help encourage others.  I do just that in my book.  I opened up some wounds for all to see in hopes that someone will see a little something of themselves and begin to see that light at the end of the tunnel.  Hope is real.  God is real.  His promise is real.
 

Love and Grace

Friday.

The work week is done. I'm glad.

As usual I'm bothered by all the hate and division between us. All that negativity sucks the life out of this glass half full guy. It does not matter what your position is on a subject, encouraging and celebrating others misfortune or destruction is disgusting. When we see someone who is given lemons try to make lemonade we no longer applaud them when they do. We hope they add salt instead of sugar just so we can... I don't know feel better about ourselves. I know, I've been guilty of it too. I do not know what it will take but I hope we can return to a time where we start treating each other with love. Love does not mean you accept and agree with everything someone says or does. What it does mean is that you show them grace no matter what faults they may have because, yes, we all are imperfect and need a love full of grace. I hope we can all find that grace in our hearts and lift each other up instead of cheering for destruction.

Sometimes being a Dad sucks

     So often you get on the internet and you find blogs about the joys of parenthood.  You read about all the joys of having kids and yes it's all true.  My kids give me more joy than I could have ever imagined.  Laying down my life for them in not even a question.  They have made me laugh harder than any comedian or movie ever has.  But at the same time they have brought tears to my eyes.  Yes at times they have done things that hurt me or disappointed me. Worse than that is when they hurt because life is hard and you cannot shield them from the pain.

     Four years ago my wife Lori and I brought home the cutest puppy.  Our kids had been asking for a dog for a while and we would look at them from time to time.  It was a very hard decision for us as we don't have a lot of family to help us care for him.  We knew we were giving up weekend getaways that we regularly enjoyed.  We would have to make visits to friends and family short so we could get home to let him out.  But on that day we saw our little brown ball of fur and we knew we needed to bring him home.  We told all the kids to sit on the couch as we had a surprise.  He stayed quite and we placed him on the living room floor.  We told them to open their eyes and the look on their faces were priceless.  He ran over to them and tried to jump on the couch but it was too high.  We told them to pick him up and my oldest picked him up and started to cry.  Love at first sight is possible.  He tried to hide the tears and he did a good job but I saw them on the video replay.  He was so small, brown with one white paw.  I called him Buster brown on the way home and the name stuck.

    Over the years Buster became such a huge part of our lives.  He was our shared love and joy.  He made us laugh when a lonely fart would sneak out and scare him.  We loved watching him as he would try to bury his rawhide bones in the couch.  He would entertain us when I would give him a empty 20 oz pop bottle that I would tightened the cap on making the bottle have no give.  He would try to pick it up only to have it shoot out of his mouth and across the floor.  He would chase it and do it again.  But most of all he loved us.  He would greet all of us at the door.  He would lick each and every one of us as we came into the house.  He always wanted to be close to us and his favorite was his "mama".  He loved my wife and spent most of his time curled up next to her.

     My oldest son referred to him as his best friend.  So when Buster started to act a little strange we became concerned.  He acted like it hurt to pee.  We called the vet and they couldn't see him until the next day.  A bladder infection was what we thought as he started peeing in the house but soon he wasn't going at all.  We would take him out and he would try but nothing would happen.  About four in the morning he started crying and barking.  We tried to comfort him.  By seven Lori took him to the vet and he was making the worst sounds.  Moaning like a person.  We never would have thought that within eight hours he wouldn't be with us any longer.

     At about 2 pm Lori called me at work and I came home fast.  The x-rays were in and the news wasn't good.  We had to act fast because he had a bladder stone in his urinary tract that was blocking his urine and if we didn't do something soon it would explode.  The vet had never seen such a big stone for such a small dog.  It was the size for a lab, not a 20 pound dog.  He could not give any guarantee that anything we did would help.

     We sat the kids down and explained to them what was going on.  We could do all the things the vet said and try to save him or we could let him go.  Trying meant thousands of dollars with the slimmest chance it would work.  It was the hardest conversation we have ever had.  I just couldn't look at my kids, their eyes were so full of tears.  Wetting their shirts as they rolled off their faces.  Nobody would answer us.  So Lori and I told them that we think its best to let him go but that if any of them want to try to save him we will.  Finally my oldest spoke up and said three words I will never forget him saying.  "Put him down"  It had to be the hardest thing he ever did.  In saying that he knew his best friend was no longer going to be with us.

     Lori and I looked at each other and she asked me to call the vet as tears filled her eyes.  I said OK.  We walked downstairs to my office and I told her that I didn't think I could say the words.  I knew that by calling I will be giving the orders to have our dog put down and to never return.  I knew that making that call would put into motion hurt for all of us.  I did not want to do it.  There are times you have to man up and take it for everyone else.  I told Lori that I will pay what ever it takes if  the result of what I was about to do meant that someone would hate me.  She said I love you and I know you would.  I walked back and forth crossing the floor gathering my thoughts and holding back the tears. I picked up the phone and dialed the number.

     When I hung up the phone I broke into tears and told her we needed to go say goodbye.  We called the kids downstairs and we gathered for prayer.  I lead us in a prayer asking for Busters suffering to be over.  For us and our hurt.  Our broken hearts.  I hugged everyone and we gathered ourselves and drove in silence to the vet.

     We arrived and they brought Buster out.  They had him in pain medication but the way he walked you could tell he was still in some pain.  They took us to a back room and left us to say good bye. Lori and the kids took time petting him.  He walked around confused and never licked any of us.  I stood watching my family have it's heart broken unable to do anything.  Their tears triggered mine. They all kept petting him and telling him how much they loved him.

     I finally got down on the floor to say good bye.  I pet him for a second and then I put my head down on him and all the hurt that I was holding back opened up and I cried like I never have in front of everyone.  I was a slobbering baby.  My furry buddy was about to die and my wife and kid's hearts were being split in two.  My protection mode was going but there was not a thing I could do.  There was no way for me to prevent the events of the day.  My mind raced, I bargained, I pleaded, and I could do nothing.

     Yes my children are wonderful.  They are the most special and important thing in my life.  I do understand that someday the wound will have healed.  I also understand that if used right this situation will make us stronger as individuals and as a family.  But my protective side hurts for now,  Having to make that call, having to tell my kids such hurtful news, and not being able to protect from the situation makes me realize that sometimes it sucks being a Dad.

What I want for Christmas

Recently while watching an early morning news program, you know the type, full of news cooking and fashion segments. They were discussing Facebook adding a dislike button. Now I would be the first to click that button when I read a post that said something like "Our son threw up his entire spaghetti dinner on the living room carpet." I don't think anyone would argue that that was the situation we all would dislike. Any of us parents understand the time it takes to clean up such a mess. But what has me worried about a dislike button is the divide that we already have and how the dislike button would be used. We have become a country that is divided. We have found ourselves picking sides and looking for winners and losers. Of course we all want to be the winner.

Since we are young we are taught to pick teams. When we pick teams there are two sides. One will be the winner and one will be the loser. We all want to be on the winning team. In the spirit of the game we trash talk the other team. That type of behavior is all good and fine when done in a fun and respectful way.  But because we choose sides instead of focusing on each other as individuals we have become so divided as that we have become exactly what we tell our kids not to be.  Bullies!  We feel the need to win at no matter the cost. When there is a winner there is a loser. We have become extra brave when we hide behind our keyboard. We say things that we would never say to somebody's face. We feel the need to point out to the world how "horrible" someone is when they don't believe the same things we do.  We no longer believe in "I disagree with you but I will defend your right to say it" we now believe if you don't think the way I do you should sit down and shut up. Not only should you shut up you deserve to be called names, made fun of and hated. In fact we will join together with like minded people to scorn you just like bullies do. If you are in the public we believe you deserve the attacks about you and your family even more. In fact maybe you should lose your job. Maybe you should have your entire life destroyed.  In fact we cheer on the demise of others and feel a sense of victory when they go down in flames. We want to see the other "side" fail. We call for their destruction and we celebrate it with glee.

For Christmas I want us to return to a place of decency. A place of respect for our fellow women and men. A place where we remove the plank in our own eye first. A place where we judge actions and quit assigning motives to the heart. A man steals a red kettle. He is a thief. His actions tell us so. Our first reaction would be to call him scum. A heartless man for taking money from those who are in need. We have judged his heart. That very man may have taken it to feed his family. How do you feel about him then? Judge the action not the heart for that is the true meaning of do not judge others.

Love is a verb. Love is a action. Love is not what you feel but rather love is what you give. To truly show love you must be patient to those whom you disagree with. To those who offend you kindness maybe in order. Love is not approving of everything someone does but love does not keep a record of wrongs. Love is the answer to what we are all asking. Love conquers all. Love is what I want for Christmas. What do you want?

As for me I will continue to spread love. I will take action. I will judge a man by his actions and not judge his heart. I will wish my enemies well and pray for them. I will love those who do not love me. Merry Christmas. May you be the recipient of love this year.